i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
