his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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