my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
