my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Be still, my beating vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
