i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
