On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
