About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
