my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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