like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
