You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
