Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
