dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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