I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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