i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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