I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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