dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
