I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
