and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
