So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
