im about as happy as oj after his trial
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was CRYING into my vagina
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
