I think I just saw someone hide a body.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
