i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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