just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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