six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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