Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
