Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
