And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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