I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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