I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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