She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
