If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
