You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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