i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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