you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
