bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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