My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
