I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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