im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
