I am puke
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
