I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
