Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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