Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
