So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
