even my farts smell like vagina
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
