it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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