the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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