What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
