Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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