I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
