He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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