fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
