Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
