You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
