At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We have started to decorate penises.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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