True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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