I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
