If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
