I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
