Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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