So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
