perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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