The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
