we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
